When Your Heart is Overwhelmed: Watch Yo’ Self

I was so frustrated. I snapped at my son and had to walk out of the room. I was so tired of hearing him complain about school. I sat down in the den and sipped on my coffee. I was tired and overwhelmed.

Psalm 61:2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

This Scripture immediately came to mind. I felt overwhelmed in that moment. What do I do? Can you relate to this? The moment when you feel like you are done. You yelled. You said hurtful things. Now, you just want to flee.

Moses. Born a Hebrew, raised as the grandson of Pharaoh. He watched as Pharaoh enslaved his own people. He watched them labor and build. He was looking on when he saw an Egyptian beat a Hebrew. Moses looked all around and when he thought no one was looking he slew the Egyptian and buried him in the sand. Thinking he got away with murder he walked out to watch the Hebrews. He saw two of them fighting. He stepped in and tried to stop the fighting. One of the men spoke up. “Are you going to kill us, like you did the Egyptian yesterday?” (Exodus Chapters 2 and 3)

Moses’ sin wasn’t hidden after all. So what did Moses choose to do? Flee.

I’m not comparing yelling at my kid to murder, but when I sinned and failed, the first thing I wanted to do is flee and I necessarily didn’t want to run to the Lord.

It’s crazy that last night I was studying in James. He tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Anger does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1: 19, 20)

Right after he tells us, don’t just listen to God’s Word, do what it says. Ouch!

So as I’m sitting being reminded of what I read, I’m confessing I failed God too. I failed to take heed to His Word. In my moment of being overwhelmed I sinned and I know I did.

Thankfully Moses got a second chance. He had an encounter with God that changed the course of history not only for Moses, but the children of Israel.

I’m thankful for my encounter too. No one wants their sin known by the world. Moses’ sin has been retold for thousands of years, so I don’t feel bad for sharing my sin on my blog! I’m sharing because we all mess up. The important thing, that when we do, we confess and repent! Not only did I confess and repent to the Lord I asked my son to forgive me too. His response, he paused, “Let me think about it. Yes. Can you forgive me?”

I need to be reminded of these verses in James, daily. Who am I kidding? I need to be reminded hourly!!

Quick to listen

Slow to speak

Slow to anger

My prayer is when I’m in an overwhelming moment, I’m reminded of the words from James. ❤

The Battle of the Indulge: My Weight loss Journey

I wasn’t always overweight. When I look back at “my glory days” (high school), I probably weighed a little more than my average classmates. High school has a tendency to make you have a poor self image anyways. I felt overweight, but looking back I was at a healthy weight. I started dating my husband in the 10th grade. When we both got our liscense, we weren’t into the partying scene, so we spent our time at fast food restaurants, donut shops and buffets.

The weight slowly rose as I graduated, and I was around 155 lbs. After graduation he left for college, and I had friends who enjoyed eating as much as I did. My boyfriend returned and shortly after we were married and my weight was around 175 lbs. My weight gain was slow. Oftentimes I would diet and be successful, but the weight came back and more!! I worked in a pizza place and later in the mall, so unhealthy foods were at my fingertips!

In 2012 at the age 33 I was 236 lbs when I became pregnant with my son. My doctor was pretty strict and didn’t want me gaining much weight. At the end of my pregnancy, I had gained around 20 lbs putting me at my highest weight ever.

I tried many plans, I would be successful and lose for awhile, but then put it back on and more. Around 2015 I was the most successful and lost around 30 lbs. Then it came back with a vengeance.

In 2018 I started having some issues with my teeth and my eyes were opened to my relationship with food. January always brings resolutions and I knew it was time to change. I weighed 250 lbs. My mom was trying to convince me to try the Ketogenic way of eating. I remember standing in my friend’s kitchen explaining all the reasons that lifestyle could never work for me. I couldn’t see myself never eating a potato again.

I really didn’t know what to do. How do I change? February 1, 2019 I started a weight loss journal. Here’s a snip of my journal entry from that day:

How does one change habits that took years to build? I know number one it takes the Lord. I can’t without Him. No diet, no plan will ever be life long if God isn’t in it. I must face all the habits, all the mind sets, all the sin, all the fears and the pain and hand every single one over to Jesus.

Jesus please show me how to start this journey.

I felt broken. It’s funny to me how the one thing I refused to do, ended up being the very thing God used. I really was feeling that God was telling me to do the Ketogenic lifestyle (I’m not promoting it, its not for everyone). I couldn’t imagine life without potatoes and sugar, but I committed myself to try it for 30 days. I started February 4th weighing 246 lbs.

The first 30 days were amazing, I was down 10lbs. I was being so successful I kept going and I set my first goal to be under 200 lbs and reach 50 lbs lost by our vacation in July. By July 18th I was under 200 and lost 55 lbs.

July 28, 2019

Of course I’m about excited about the accomplishment, but it’s time to focus on some other goals. What will it matter if I’m skinny, but I’m spiritually dead???

The ultimate goal is to live a lifethat glorifies God whether it’swhat I eat, my conversations, etc. Ultimately it should all please the Lord.

I was being successful in my weight loss, It wasn’t just a physical journey, but a spiritual one also. I wanted this to be a time I drew closer to the Lord. I knew I had to draw strength from Him to reach my goal.

It has been about nine months now. It has not been easy, but I’m slowly reaching my goal.

Currently I have been lingering around 179/180 lbs. I never thought I would ever declare my weight to the world, but I’m sharing this because I want to encourage others that change is possible! Many nights in bed I would dream of a healthier, thinner me. It’s weird to see my dreams coming true. My journey is not over, I’m still reaching for the goal I have in mind. I hope you will come along with me.

Hutch Makeover

When we purchased our former house, we didn’t have a lot of nice furniture to fill it. The owner sold us a few dining room pieces and this hutch was one of those pieces.

I have always loved the primitive and farm house look, way before it became popular. This hutch was crying for a makeover! Finally I convinced my hubby to help with the makeover. He removed the doors and gave the hutch a good sanding. After sanding it down, he applied an oak stain. It took about a year to complete. It is truly my favorite piece. I love changing it with the seasons!

The Conversion of Kanye West

Social media blew up over the weekend about an album that Kanye West released. Now, I will be honest I don’t know a whole lot about this guy. The only things I know aren’t necessarily “good”. I can’t even tell you I have heard even one of his songs…that is until now.

I don’t know if I can say I grew up going to church. I remember my mom, sister and I going when I was super young. Then for a short period of time she sent us to church. When I was around twelve my next door neighbor invited me to a small church that was walking distance from my house. It was life changing!

I can absolutely recall the night, I was 14. The church was holding a revival and I missed the first night. When I walked in the church I remember some of the kids my age running up to me telling me their wonderful news. “We got saved!” I don’t know if I really knew what it meant. Saved? I don’t remember what the preacher said that night, but when he was done talking and some music started playing I made my way to that altar. After all these years, I can see it my mind. The brown wood, the pink carpet. I still remember the prayer in my ear from the pastor’s wife. I cried. Why? Because of my sins. How much sinning can be done in 14 years? One was enough to need a Saviour!

I remember when I was done praying, wiping the tears from my face. “It feels like a ton of bricks have been lifted off your shoulders, doesn’t it?” the pastor’s wife said with her arm around me. I promise you, that is how it felt. I will never forget how it felt when I “got saved”.

Let’s fast forward 36 years down the road. Wow! That’s a big number. Let’s go back to Kanye for a moment. Many were having a field day over Kanye’s recent confession of Christ. Is he legit? Is this possible, can it be true? Has he truly repented and put his faith in Jesus Christ?? I know what the church people and even the world is thinking…we have seen many call on the name of Christ, to only turn back.

We can go to the parable of the sower that Jesus talks about in the Gospels. He knew there would be some that when the Word of God goes forth the seed/Word would fall on different types of “ground”. (Matthew 13, Mark 4, Luke 8)

1. For some when the Word of God is sown, the devil comes and takes the Word away from their hearts to prevent them from believing and being saved.

2. There’s some who hear the Word and receive it with joy, but they don’t get rooted in God, so they fall away when temptation comes their way.

3. Some will hear the message, but quickly the Word is crowded out by the cares, riches and pleasures of this world. They never grow into a mature Christian.

4. And then there’s some who hears God’s Word and cling to it and they grow into mature Christians.

Now somewhere in these four examples are Kanye, you and me.

Let’s flip over to another parable in Matthew 18 starting at verse 21. Now, I know you are gonna think, what does this have to do with Kanye, you and me? I don’t know yet, let’s listen to the Spirit.

Peter comes to Jesus and asks Him, “How many times should I forgive someone? Seven times?” “No, seventy times seven.

Buckle up butter cup. We are in for a bumpy ride.

Jesus begins to tell a story. There’s a king or master who is looking at who owed him money. A debtor was brought before him that owed him to the equivalent amount of a million dollars. (What did this dude buy?) He couldn’t pay the debt. So his master ordered that he be sold, along with his wife, children and everything he owed to pay the debt. The debtor fell down and begged that the master be patient and he would pay the debt. The master felt pity and released him and forgave the debt! Wow!! I would be jumping for joy and shouting from the rooftop!! I’m forgiven!

Let’s see what the man does. When he leaves the master he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. Wait. Is this the same fella a few minutes ago just had a million dollar debt forgiven? Is this the same man who received mercy and pity?

The fellow servant fell down and begged for more time. The man would not wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison.

When the other servants saw this, they went to the master and told him everything. The master called the man in. “You evil servant! I forgave you that great debt, shouldn’t you show your fellow servant the same mercy I showed you?” He was delivered to the tormentors until he could pay the debt. Jesus say So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses or sin.

Now I was sitting here thinking on these two parables. One tells us the Word falls on different types of hearts/ground and the other about forgiving others when they sin against us.

I remember that moment when I was 14 and I owed a debt that I could not pay. I cried out to God and Jesus stepped in and paid my debt for me that I could go free. I know many can relate to this parable. This is where it gets hairy. For many we forget about that mercy and that pity we were shown and forget to give it to others.

Kanye is shouting “I’m forgiven! I love Jesus and I got saved!” And we are saying from our “forgiven” hearts “Are you really? It won’t last! I’ve seen this before!”

I feel that we need to extend Grace to Kanye. Let’s not decide what kind of ground the Word fell on! Let’s hope beyond hope that God will use him in a mighty way to bring others to Christ.

By the way we aren’t the sower…that job has already been filled.

Out of The Box

My hubby and I waited 13 years before we started a family. I always knew that when we had kids I would homeschool. I met so many successful families, that I knew it was right for us.

Let me tell you. Homeschooling is tough. We are in our third year and I feel sometimes it’s our first. My son’s needs are constantly changing and I have to adjust my teaching style to meet his need. Our first year we did a DVD curriculum and it was a great success. First grade, not so much. It was a struggle and honestly every school day was painful. It taught me a lot about myself and my son. I had expections that were not being met. I cried and prayed a lot. I felt like I failed.

I imagined homeschooling to look differently. My sweet little boy sitting intently in his school desk, loving everything about school. I could see a cute little school area decorated with posters! What I imagined was a brick and mortar school.

My son doesn’t like to sit still. For example, he wants to jump up and down as we go over our combinations. A mini trampoline is his favorite! He hates handwriting (which he’s slowly coming around), and independent work. We usually do school in the living room at a table, so I can sit with him. We have done school at the chiropractors office, the deck, the den and the couch. Sometimes we start in the morning, sometimes 3:00 in the afternoon. I had to step out of the box. The glorious thing about homeschooling it’s not meant to be cookie cutter or brick and mortar! It’s meant to grow a little mind in a way that fits our kiddos. What works for one family, may not work for another!

Each school morning we start with a Bible story. I spent a lot of money for a very expensive Bible felt board, which I just had to have! Seems crazy, but we don’t use it everyday. We act out our stories, my son usually wearing a full costume. We have used finger puppets and this morning we used minifigures to act out the story of Moses before Pharaoh (see cute picture above)!

I honestly feel like such a newbie when it comes to homeschooling and I know I have a lot to learn! I’m thankful for the lessons learned, even though some the hard way. I found such freedom when I learned that homeschooling is meant to fit our family, not for our family fit homeschooling.

When Mom Becomes a Hero

My kiddo is all about super heroes these days! I have the tendency to be a spur of the moment crafter. I did a quick look around and pulled together a simple Thor’s hammer. I felt like a hero for sure! He was so excited, he threw a Thor outfit on and saved the day!

Materials:

Grits Box

Toilet Paper Roll ( I keep a bunch of these on hand for moments like these)

Masking Tape

Electrical Tape (to finish off the handle)

Foil Sheets (cheapy kind from the Dollar Tree)

Tacky Glue (you could use hot glue, but I wanted my son to help)

1. Empty your grits box. Ha! 😉

I taped the box closed and cut a hole slightly smaller than my paper towel tube. Push your tube in, but not too far! I used masking tape to secure the tube! (hot glue would be good here)

2. Using tacky glue, I glued down the foil on all sides of the box. The ends I folded down like wrapping paper.

3. Finish off the handle with electrical tape! The tape I had on hand, but washi or duct tape could work too!

An easy, fun project!! Hey Mom, not all heroes wear capes! 😊

Validation

Validation

So, not a word I expected to hear. I was just laying in bed, rolling thoughts around in my head. I was praying too. Lord why am I this way? Validation.

The next day I googled the definition. I pondered the word for a couple days. What was the Lord revealing to me?

One thing I have learned about myself in my journey is that, I care way too much about what other people think of me. In my life that has prevented me from making some serious foolish decisions, but it has also hindered me from walking fully in the woman of God I should be.

I don’t understand why there’s some some people who go through life with freedom from this. They could care less what anyone thought of them. They hold their heads high. Its like they live their lives without hindrances.

Then there’s us. Those who fear the thoughts of others, letting someone down, not living up to their standard. I’m not thin enough, funny enough, rich enough.

The hubby and I recently got into a show about adoptive children looking for their birth parents. I found a common thing amongst them. They all felt something was missing, they hoped that they were loved, they hoped that their birth parent would be proud of them. They longed for the validation from the very one who gave them away.

For us who need validation, we are searching for approval, to be loved, for someone to say they are proud of us and we are accepted. This can be dangerous. If we aren’t careful that validation can cause us to do things we never thought we would do to get that approval. For some it will lead to adultery, some debt, maxing out credit cards to have the nice clothes, cars etc. For some, one bad relationship after another. I could probably go on and on.

Some time ago I was subject to an individual’s poisonous venom. Their words were one negative thing after another. I stood there as they looked me up and down. Though their words were not all directly about me, I could only picture in my mind, they were tearing me apart. Days after the encounter, I kept recalling their words. It’s like the enemy kept reminding me of the things they said.
I think they are searching for their own validation.

There’s truly only one opinion that matters. I am a daughter of the King. What does He think of me. Truly that’s all that matters. All. That. Matters.

Today I’m going to choose freedom from this burden. The weight of other’s opinion is a weight I can no longer bare. He proved I was valid when He took my place in the cross. He pursued me and loved me when I was the most unlovable. I am validated by the One who matters most. All others, need not apply.